Note: I wrote this piece over a year ago after a storm ravaged our property and flooded our basement, evidenced by broken windows, the downing of 100 year old trees and the saturation of oodles of objects. Yet, the essence of the message continues with me today. Stuff continues to live outside and within me. Stuff that no longer is serving a need and whose occupation of space is limiting me from expanding and from Being. So, my journey continues as I strive to eliminate STUFF........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snap!
I had been saying it for years. “I wish I could snap my fingers and everything I would never USE again would be with someone who NEEDS it.” And then I would add, “Please God, don’t give me a fire.” I never added, “Nor a flood.”
And while piles of saturated possessions became useless to anyone in the aftermath of the rising water which without hesitation took its place in our home….trillions of drops I imagine…I came to a new appreciation of my wish and the power of prayer.
Stuff.
The physical and the emotional take up space in our lives, in our minds, often leaving little place for new things and ideas and feelings to enter. How attached had I become to things that I had no use for anymore? To possessions that had no lingering meaning. To clutter that cluttered my life. To items that required thoughtless dusting. To goods that someone, somewhere could find useful, enjoyable and even a necessity.
Stuff.
The years flit by. The children grow. Does that toy do for them what it does for me, evoking tender memories so distinct that it seems as if the wrapping paper exposed it only moments ago? Or has the memory faded joining the composite of their childhood recollections?
What do we save? And why do we save it? For whom? For what? For when will we ever do anything but let this stuff clutter our space when somewhere, someone would be happy and grateful for what remains a dust collector in our life.
Don’t get me wrong. It takes courage for me to purge. It causes emotional upheaval. And yet when it’s gone and the shelf is empty or the floor has a place for nothing or something, how do I feel now?
Freedom has no price, as did the possession that claimed its space. And as someone recently said to me, “The more you own, the more it owns you.” Freedom is tantamount to having space in which to be free…. physically, mentally and emotionally.
Stuff.
© 2008. Nancy H. Rothstein
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
When Nothing is Certain........
A few years ago my friend Carol sent me a gift, a tile attached to a rod and cord with a quote inscribed:
WHEN NOTHING IS CERTAIN, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
The quotable art piece sits on the window seat in my office and I am often aware of it when passing by. Its words resonate as my life flows and times change. The words give me comfort in times of turmoil, reminding me that anything is possible and that change is constant. The words give me a chuckle when uncertainty abounds and I welcome the lack of solidity that envelops my life at a given time. The words offer me perspective when I need a roadmap that is not within reach. The words clarify for me the fact that nothing is constant and that embracing change makes for a much happier life.
Yet, as I contemplated these words these past few weeks, they had a new resonance, a new resilience that was apparent to me with crystal clarity. At this time, more than any I can remember….extending well beyond the womb of my life….less is certain than ever. Times are changing rapidly and nothing is certain. Not that it ever was, but the shifts going on in our world are both profound and subtle. Both apparent and concealed. Both tumultuous and gentle. The shifts are significant and will leave us with a vastly different landscape of life. A vastly more life affirming and healthy landscape for life will be ours if, only if, we can….as a living, breathing, human world….embrace the change that is in our midst.
We must at all costs embrace the essence of who we are, not who we think we are or who we want to be, all of which are often mirages of the reality within us. We must embrace our highest selves, the one that speaks to us from the center of our being, from our hearts. The one from where the sparks of a smile and the flames of joy are emoted. The one from where love springs and faith is released. The love word is tough for some to embrace. The love feeling is one that sometimes evokes emotional havoc. But in its purest form, at its genesis, is where life happens. This is where life is meant to be lived. Even in the midst of tragedy and chaos….inevitable in the journey of this life we live….when love is allowed to speak and is welcomed in, anything is more surmountable.
And so, when nothing is certain, everything is possible. When hatred, distrust, fear and violence abound and the world seems as if it is falling apart with disarray and suffering in abundant manifestation….TAKE NOTICE because EVERYTHING is possible. Certainty that the chaos will ensue is no surer than an abundant blooming of peace and love and joy.
Know however, that it does not begin with someone else. It begins with you. It begins with me. It begins with faith that change will come. Change that is good and honest and not driven by fear. Change that is certain and change that is possible. It begins with each of us. It begins in our hearts and it can begin when we choose to let go of our fears, let go of our insistence on control. Let go of our anger and let go of our doubts and let go of our past. Look to the future with our feet firm in the present…..as change flows constantly and present becomes past, future becomes present and change marches on. Move forward with courage and perseverance, knowing that all will be well.
One thing is certain, the sooner we free our hearts from the bondage of the demand for certainty, the sooner our hearts will sing the sweet song of possibility.
© 2008. Nancy H. Rothstein
WHEN NOTHING IS CERTAIN, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
The quotable art piece sits on the window seat in my office and I am often aware of it when passing by. Its words resonate as my life flows and times change. The words give me comfort in times of turmoil, reminding me that anything is possible and that change is constant. The words give me a chuckle when uncertainty abounds and I welcome the lack of solidity that envelops my life at a given time. The words offer me perspective when I need a roadmap that is not within reach. The words clarify for me the fact that nothing is constant and that embracing change makes for a much happier life.
Yet, as I contemplated these words these past few weeks, they had a new resonance, a new resilience that was apparent to me with crystal clarity. At this time, more than any I can remember….extending well beyond the womb of my life….less is certain than ever. Times are changing rapidly and nothing is certain. Not that it ever was, but the shifts going on in our world are both profound and subtle. Both apparent and concealed. Both tumultuous and gentle. The shifts are significant and will leave us with a vastly different landscape of life. A vastly more life affirming and healthy landscape for life will be ours if, only if, we can….as a living, breathing, human world….embrace the change that is in our midst.
We must at all costs embrace the essence of who we are, not who we think we are or who we want to be, all of which are often mirages of the reality within us. We must embrace our highest selves, the one that speaks to us from the center of our being, from our hearts. The one from where the sparks of a smile and the flames of joy are emoted. The one from where love springs and faith is released. The love word is tough for some to embrace. The love feeling is one that sometimes evokes emotional havoc. But in its purest form, at its genesis, is where life happens. This is where life is meant to be lived. Even in the midst of tragedy and chaos….inevitable in the journey of this life we live….when love is allowed to speak and is welcomed in, anything is more surmountable.
And so, when nothing is certain, everything is possible. When hatred, distrust, fear and violence abound and the world seems as if it is falling apart with disarray and suffering in abundant manifestation….TAKE NOTICE because EVERYTHING is possible. Certainty that the chaos will ensue is no surer than an abundant blooming of peace and love and joy.
Know however, that it does not begin with someone else. It begins with you. It begins with me. It begins with faith that change will come. Change that is good and honest and not driven by fear. Change that is certain and change that is possible. It begins with each of us. It begins in our hearts and it can begin when we choose to let go of our fears, let go of our insistence on control. Let go of our anger and let go of our doubts and let go of our past. Look to the future with our feet firm in the present…..as change flows constantly and present becomes past, future becomes present and change marches on. Move forward with courage and perseverance, knowing that all will be well.
One thing is certain, the sooner we free our hearts from the bondage of the demand for certainty, the sooner our hearts will sing the sweet song of possibility.
© 2008. Nancy H. Rothstein
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Forgiveness is For Giving
Today is the day of Yom Kippur, the High Holy Day for the Jewish people. This is a day seeped in prayer and a day that ends the Days of Awe, starting with Rosh Hashanah. This is a time during which Jews ask for forgiveness from G-d and during which we ask others whom we have harmed for forgiveness. This is a time of self reflection, for ourselves and extending to our family, community and beyond. Yet, no matter what religion captures your mind or your heart or your ancestry, every human will face the quest of forgiving, one of the most difficult demands on our souls. Forgiving ourselves may be the most demanding demand for our purification.
Last night we returned late from the Kol Nidre service. I was getting ready to go to bed, looking forward to saying prayers and expressing gratitude for life’s blessings. I have a number of books at my bedside, usually a few of which are books of prayer, meditation or inspiration. Instant Karma has sat on the night table. With 8,879 “ways to help yourself and others” and to “make the world a better place,” there is an abundance of one line sayings that are filled with wisdom. As I do with other such books, I randomly turn to a page and ALWAYS come upon what I need to hear or learn or reflect upon. With a list on each page in this book, I let my eyes or finger go to a random selection on the page. Then, I go to one or tow lines above and below the previous. Last night, my finger went to one line at the bottom of the page. The next line would take me to the following page. The line was “Stop arguing and start forgiving.” Amazed and moved, I turned off the lights. I knew there was a message for me to go deep into self reflection. Yet, the dive was quick and the message was clear.
At this eve…albeit it was past midnight, so the day was actually beginning…of Yom Kippur, forgiveness was central to my ponderings. At that moment, I had a flash of clarity. I almost giggled. “What keeps me from forgiving?” I asked myself. The answer was succinct and instant- a stubborn attachment to something that already happened IN THE PAST. That evening Rabbi Douglas Goldhamer had given a sermon about signs. How we must pay attention to the signs that G-d sends our way. The little, or not so little, voice inside of us that tells us to go a different route or to call someone. I like to think of these messages, often reminders that we are on the right path, like the breadcrumbs that led Hansel and Gretel along their way in the forest. And the Rabbi suggested firmly that we should write down these signs that come our way. I knew I would not remember the messages that had come to my brain at that moment, so I went and got my journal. Actually, a new journal, fitting for the beginning of the New Year. And I wrote….
So, why do I cling to it, carrying it into my PRESENT and likely into my future? How silly. Get it over with. For-give. GIVE FORGIVENESS. For it is in GIVING compassion and understanding (or not). Giving myself the gift of letting go. If the person whom I need to forgive does not care or respond in the way I desire, so be it. The forgiveness is really about honoring life and living fully in the NOW….and not being robbed of the present by garbage and grievances of the past.
“For I shall give forgiveness,” I wrote as I lay in bed. No argument about this. “Promise to self- I will pay attention to replacing arguing with forgiving.”
Today, after a night’s sleep, albeit not enough, and another soul searching, poignant sermon about paying attention amidst the hectic demands of our lives and living life with meaning…at another temple which we attend…I am all the more moved by my personal revelation. I know that my clarity of understanding and template for action will be hard to adhere to. Forgiving? The internal chatter will be sure to come: “But she is nasty to me. She never even gives me a call.” And the list goes on. Can I forgive? I have a new resolve, brought by such clarity and by the honoring of life that this day brings to my spirit. Though at times, our emotional baggage takes us hostage. Yet, if I go to my heart I will find the gateway to forgiving, and that is compassion….for both myself and for the person whom I will forgive.
En route home from services this morning, in the car with my introspective and quickly evolving daughter Caroline, we began to talk about the essence of Yom Kippur and forgiveness. And I said to her, “Forgiveness is for giving.” Forgive is for you to give. Then, I realized that I must first forgive my self. That forgiveness is a gift for you to give to your SELF. Having done so, I can forgive others with freedom and a purer heart. Now, if only I can inscribe this in my book of life for the next year and beyond, life will be all the sweeter.
Last night we returned late from the Kol Nidre service. I was getting ready to go to bed, looking forward to saying prayers and expressing gratitude for life’s blessings. I have a number of books at my bedside, usually a few of which are books of prayer, meditation or inspiration. Instant Karma has sat on the night table. With 8,879 “ways to help yourself and others” and to “make the world a better place,” there is an abundance of one line sayings that are filled with wisdom. As I do with other such books, I randomly turn to a page and ALWAYS come upon what I need to hear or learn or reflect upon. With a list on each page in this book, I let my eyes or finger go to a random selection on the page. Then, I go to one or tow lines above and below the previous. Last night, my finger went to one line at the bottom of the page. The next line would take me to the following page. The line was “Stop arguing and start forgiving.” Amazed and moved, I turned off the lights. I knew there was a message for me to go deep into self reflection. Yet, the dive was quick and the message was clear.
At this eve…albeit it was past midnight, so the day was actually beginning…of Yom Kippur, forgiveness was central to my ponderings. At that moment, I had a flash of clarity. I almost giggled. “What keeps me from forgiving?” I asked myself. The answer was succinct and instant- a stubborn attachment to something that already happened IN THE PAST. That evening Rabbi Douglas Goldhamer had given a sermon about signs. How we must pay attention to the signs that G-d sends our way. The little, or not so little, voice inside of us that tells us to go a different route or to call someone. I like to think of these messages, often reminders that we are on the right path, like the breadcrumbs that led Hansel and Gretel along their way in the forest. And the Rabbi suggested firmly that we should write down these signs that come our way. I knew I would not remember the messages that had come to my brain at that moment, so I went and got my journal. Actually, a new journal, fitting for the beginning of the New Year. And I wrote….
So, why do I cling to it, carrying it into my PRESENT and likely into my future? How silly. Get it over with. For-give. GIVE FORGIVENESS. For it is in GIVING compassion and understanding (or not). Giving myself the gift of letting go. If the person whom I need to forgive does not care or respond in the way I desire, so be it. The forgiveness is really about honoring life and living fully in the NOW….and not being robbed of the present by garbage and grievances of the past.
“For I shall give forgiveness,” I wrote as I lay in bed. No argument about this. “Promise to self- I will pay attention to replacing arguing with forgiving.”
Today, after a night’s sleep, albeit not enough, and another soul searching, poignant sermon about paying attention amidst the hectic demands of our lives and living life with meaning…at another temple which we attend…I am all the more moved by my personal revelation. I know that my clarity of understanding and template for action will be hard to adhere to. Forgiving? The internal chatter will be sure to come: “But she is nasty to me. She never even gives me a call.” And the list goes on. Can I forgive? I have a new resolve, brought by such clarity and by the honoring of life that this day brings to my spirit. Though at times, our emotional baggage takes us hostage. Yet, if I go to my heart I will find the gateway to forgiving, and that is compassion….for both myself and for the person whom I will forgive.
En route home from services this morning, in the car with my introspective and quickly evolving daughter Caroline, we began to talk about the essence of Yom Kippur and forgiveness. And I said to her, “Forgiveness is for giving.” Forgive is for you to give. Then, I realized that I must first forgive my self. That forgiveness is a gift for you to give to your SELF. Having done so, I can forgive others with freedom and a purer heart. Now, if only I can inscribe this in my book of life for the next year and beyond, life will be all the sweeter.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
STOP. LISTEN.
Today, October 7, 2008, is 6 years since my son, my precious son Joshua, died at 11:17 AM. On October 6, 2002, Josh was walking along a suburban sidewalk on a Sunday afternoon. En route to the pharmacy to buy a snack and finding it closed, he turned around to go to his tutoring appointment. I had just left him after buying shoes for school and sports. I had no idea of the tragedy that was about to strike Josh.
A teen made an illegal U-turn in the intersection, cutting off an elderly driver who, meaning to avoid the teen’s unexpected and obstructing vehicle, accelerated at full speed….flying up over the curb and striking Josh forcefully on what had been a peaceful sidewalk. Thrown up against a concrete wall, Josh then fell to the sidewalk and lay unconscious. Consciousness would not greet him again in this lifetime. After heroic brain surgery and intense prayer from a loving, devoted family and rabbis, his heart would sing its final beat the next morning.
Mourning and grief would join his family….and friends around the world. I would continue to mother Josh, to nurture and to embrace him in new ways. I would continue to live. I would be blessed knowing that “this isn’t it” and that Josh was only a breath, a heartbeat away.
At times, unsolicited, Josh would begin to speak through my pen. And I would begin to write what came through my pen without effort, words that would convey the sorrow in my heart, as well as the teachings I was learning and the vision that would enrich my life while my breath and my heartbeat continued.
I have read the piece below to friends over the past 5 years. Now, with my new mode of communication, I share it in print with you…….
STOP. LISTEN.
At Memorial Park Cemetery where Josh is buried.
September 7, 2003
Today I visited my son’s grave.
Today is 11 months on the calendar since the day he died at age 15 ½.
When you wish to find clarity of meaning and purpose in your life, meander through a cemetery as I did today.
There you will find solitude, along with sadness and perhaps pain and/or fear.
Yet I promise you if you listen to your inner voice and honor the essence of your Being,
You will be, if even momentarily, transformed.
Stop. Listen. Close your eyes for a moment. BE present. Walk again.
For you are still ALIVE.
You have choice of actions.
You can act from love or from anger.
You can look to the future with hope or with dread.
You are alive.
Your body still breathes, your heart continues its precious, life confirming beat.
And should memories of a loved one now dead inspire you with purpose and inspiration, or should the multitude of graves surrounding you announce your good fortune to be alive….Go forward, loving yourself, your life and all the living beings you encounter.
For life is a gift, time is fleeting and death will come with peace should you choose to honor and embrace life…..with love….NOW.
© 2003. Nancy H. Rothstein
A teen made an illegal U-turn in the intersection, cutting off an elderly driver who, meaning to avoid the teen’s unexpected and obstructing vehicle, accelerated at full speed….flying up over the curb and striking Josh forcefully on what had been a peaceful sidewalk. Thrown up against a concrete wall, Josh then fell to the sidewalk and lay unconscious. Consciousness would not greet him again in this lifetime. After heroic brain surgery and intense prayer from a loving, devoted family and rabbis, his heart would sing its final beat the next morning.
Mourning and grief would join his family….and friends around the world. I would continue to mother Josh, to nurture and to embrace him in new ways. I would continue to live. I would be blessed knowing that “this isn’t it” and that Josh was only a breath, a heartbeat away.
At times, unsolicited, Josh would begin to speak through my pen. And I would begin to write what came through my pen without effort, words that would convey the sorrow in my heart, as well as the teachings I was learning and the vision that would enrich my life while my breath and my heartbeat continued.
I have read the piece below to friends over the past 5 years. Now, with my new mode of communication, I share it in print with you…….
STOP. LISTEN.
At Memorial Park Cemetery where Josh is buried.
September 7, 2003
Today I visited my son’s grave.
Today is 11 months on the calendar since the day he died at age 15 ½.
When you wish to find clarity of meaning and purpose in your life, meander through a cemetery as I did today.
There you will find solitude, along with sadness and perhaps pain and/or fear.
Yet I promise you if you listen to your inner voice and honor the essence of your Being,
You will be, if even momentarily, transformed.
Stop. Listen. Close your eyes for a moment. BE present. Walk again.
For you are still ALIVE.
You have choice of actions.
You can act from love or from anger.
You can look to the future with hope or with dread.
You are alive.
Your body still breathes, your heart continues its precious, life confirming beat.
And should memories of a loved one now dead inspire you with purpose and inspiration, or should the multitude of graves surrounding you announce your good fortune to be alive….Go forward, loving yourself, your life and all the living beings you encounter.
For life is a gift, time is fleeting and death will come with peace should you choose to honor and embrace life…..with love….NOW.
© 2003. Nancy H. Rothstein
Monday, October 6, 2008
To Do or Not to Do
Continuing on a morning walk this summer, I noticed the newspaper wrapped in a plastic bag at the end of a driveway. Tempted to do a random act of kindness and toss it to the inhabitant’s front door, a memory filled my mind. I recalled what my friend had shared with me. While going through chemotherapy for breast cancer, she said that the best part of her day was having the strength to forge to the end of her long driveway to retrieve the morning newspaper. This, she said, was a daily milestone. This, she said, was a daily goal to reach. I was deeply touched by the simplicity of what made her, what makes us, fulfilled when our lives are challenged.
And so, my temptation was replaced with a decision not to touch the newspaper of an unknown recipient in my neighborhood. “Maybe they like getting their paper each morning. Maybe there is a reason why I should not interfere in their routine.” I thought. My walk continued. A mile or more later, my decision was further confirmed when I saw an elderly man struggling…..step by step, left foot meeting the right in a sequence of specific movements, albeit with a jerking of limbs….towards his driveway’s end. Yes, he was en route to retrieve his newspaper. Was this for him a daily accomplishment or an activity he pursued because it was the only way to get the paper he wanted to read over a cup of coffee? I would not know the answer, but I did know that he was succeeding and that the movement was likely good for him.
To do or not to do. This is the question. There are times when we knowingly intervene in someone’s life. When we know the circumstances and our action, our help, is both welcomed and appreciated. Then, there are times when we do not know how our action will be received. We do not know the circumstances of the recipient of our action. What to do, or not to do? I find that following my inner voice is usually the route to take. When I act from my heart, from a place of compassion and inner peace, I trust that my decision to do or not to do…to act or not to act….will best serve the good for all.
And so, my temptation was replaced with a decision not to touch the newspaper of an unknown recipient in my neighborhood. “Maybe they like getting their paper each morning. Maybe there is a reason why I should not interfere in their routine.” I thought. My walk continued. A mile or more later, my decision was further confirmed when I saw an elderly man struggling…..step by step, left foot meeting the right in a sequence of specific movements, albeit with a jerking of limbs….towards his driveway’s end. Yes, he was en route to retrieve his newspaper. Was this for him a daily accomplishment or an activity he pursued because it was the only way to get the paper he wanted to read over a cup of coffee? I would not know the answer, but I did know that he was succeeding and that the movement was likely good for him.
To do or not to do. This is the question. There are times when we knowingly intervene in someone’s life. When we know the circumstances and our action, our help, is both welcomed and appreciated. Then, there are times when we do not know how our action will be received. We do not know the circumstances of the recipient of our action. What to do, or not to do? I find that following my inner voice is usually the route to take. When I act from my heart, from a place of compassion and inner peace, I trust that my decision to do or not to do…to act or not to act….will best serve the good for all.
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