Heartbeat to Eternity

Today I am compelled to post on my Navigate With Nancy blog site. It has been a while. But now is now and here I am to share a passage I wrote in my journal today...

11:17 AM. Monday. October 7. 2002. Fitting that she would share his final heartbeat, the bridge for his pathway to eternity. For it was she who said 10 hours before, "Do what's best for you Joshie." Pure wisdom from the heart and lips of an 11 year old sister, grasping an inkling of the finality of a life so precious to her. It was she who ushered him into Eternity.

And now, as I sit writing, 11:00 AM. Wednesday. October 7, 2015, watching my iPhone clock to pay homage to an instant soon to arrive, I wonder what can this moment offer to me that I can share with the living?  It always comes down to LOVE. The essence of life, its nectar. The symbolic beauty of the heart, transcending any physical description or purpose.  Love, for a person, for a flower, for a moment in time, for a memory, for one's Self, for LIFE.

But how do you find hope in the darkness, a spark of Light, when the supreme challenges of life pull you into an abyss? There must be a grain of love in a morsel of hope. That spark, all it takes to ignite, pulling us out of the cave and into the warmth of a new day, a new moment. A way back to the Light in love.

11:10 I am sitting outside on the patio, writing this passage in my journal ---checking my iPhone for the time to make sure I am attentive to 11:17---when gardeners come noisily on lawnmowers and by foot, gasoline fumes spewing towards me. Disappointed to leave my peace in the crisp fall air and sunlit expanse of garden and lawn, I surrender and go inside, closing the patio door to prevent the odor from entering.

Where do I go as 11:17 approaches? I am beckoned to go to the kitchen where the Yartzeit candle flickers on the counter.

11:16 AM I sit close. I hover over the candle. Timing is everything. Paying attention to cues allows us to experience moments like this, moments we may otherwise have missed. As if he invoked me to come stare at this candle, at this moment, to honor our connection & our Faith.

11:17 AM. October 7, 2015 arrives and I observe Josh’s Yartzeit candle. A moment of silence, of inactivity.

11:19 AM. I return to my pen, having witnessed the flickering on the wick, flame swaying freely, ignited in the Age Old Judaic tradition to honor the death of a loved one. I felt Josh, I felt his Light in every cell of my Being, knowing he's never far, just a breath, a heartbeat away.

So do I count 365 days until the next 11:17 AM on October 7? No. I continue in LIFE, making the most of each moment, each day. Being PRESENT. Honoring memories. Building to the future. Living NOW.